Find You by Lula White

Author:Lula White
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lula White

13

CHANGE OF SEASONS

ROLAND

“Baby. You know me better than anybody.”

Hands in the pockets of my wool slacks, I lean against the row of crypts and stare up at the concrete. This is my first time coming to visit P since I brought the kids on Halle’s birthday, a month ago. With all the summer trips, and the kids back in school now, plus the bank going at full steam ahead of the holidays, it’s gotten harder to stay consistent with visiting P. I mostly talk to her in bed now. But I needed to come personally and pour out this battle to her.

“It’s been over a year now, that I haven’t touched another.”

I suck in the chilly October air that bites harder with each day.

“In a few weeks, it’ll be a year…since you ascended.” The wind rustles my insides like the leaves on these changing trees. “I’ve never moved without your input. Since I chose which college to go to, which classes to take, you’ve never led me wrong.” My emotions toss in the air. “So tell me what to do. Give me a sign.”

As I cry, I’m also laughing. And biting down on my fucking lips the way my son did this summer.

“She’s gorgeous. Inside and out. Giving and kind. Just like you, she inspires me to be…a better man.” I suck back my tears. “She’s pushing me to be who you want me to be, and more. To give a shit about something besides my family. But she’s young. She deserves the world, with a husband and a family to adore her as we cherish you. I’m not ready for what she needs. And I don’t want to hurt her.”

My voice bounces off the walls and returns to me, a reminder I may only be talking to myself. “Besides, she belongs to another. You’re doing this to torture me. I see you’ve still got jokes.”

I turn and kiss the slab. With every visit, my lips taste less of P’s and more of reality.

“I love you. I will always love you. And I’ll never make a move without you. So I’m asking you to show me my next step.”

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